“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou
None of us are perfect. Not a single person on this planet is without their flaws; some far bigger, more serious or irreparable than others, but no human being is without sin. How unrealistic would that be to expect that we are?
A harsh reality I had to come to terms with is that not the everyone in life will treat you the way you treat them, or love you the same. Sometimes hidden behind the guise of friends, family, coworkers, associates, etc. – these titles alone don’t guarantee the level of loyalty one might expect. And as someone who personally has given out entirely too many second chances to people who repeatedly did me dirty, accepting that part especially hurt. And for the longest time, I wasn’t ready to do that yet; I loved those people so freakin’ much, surely it’s just a bad day or sh*tty circumstance or something at the root cause of this behavior. Right?
As time went on and as I still held onto wanting to believe the best in people, I would make entirely too many excuses to justify their behavior, and provide opportunity after opportunity to these draining situations in hopes of a different outcome – only to be proven wrong time and time again. I was the only one ever reaching out, making an effort, trying to keep what I thought we shared alive. And even after all of that, I was the one that was more upset as those relationships withered away than the other party(ies) involved. Eventually, the truth I wanted so badly to be false couldn’t be ignored anymore.
You cannot force someone’s loyalty. You cannot repaint someone into who you want them to be. Loving someone into loving you isn’t humanly possible. Even if it’s someone we care for so very much.
Tim and I are a couple of people who when we love, we love so very hard. We’re two very different people in many aspects, but that’s one that we share incredibly closely. So for us to come to terms with this one did suck – a lot. It was an issue he long struggled with personally, as well. He and his kind heart had been taken advantage of more times than we could count. We’d poured so much of ourselves into relationships of various kinds over the years only to be proven fruitless. We finally had no choice but to accept the fact that people are who they are – coupled with the understanding that that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them on their own personal level – and sometimes that isn’t compatible with us and where we’re going.
Learn to accept people for who they are. Learn to reject them for the same reason.
We all obviously grow and change throughout the many seasons of life, and we don’t always necessarily grow together. Relationships that were a vital part of our childhood or youth may no longer prove to be beneficial as we enter adulthood. Friendships that were at one point the end all, be all go on to not be anything at all.
That’s not a negative thing, either.
Even if it completely sucked getting there, if I can walk away from a situation with a life lesson under my belt, I consider that to be successful.
I’ve learned to believe people when they show me their true colors the first time. I’ve learned to better value the time and energy I invest in others, and to match the right ones and what they pour into me.
I don’t wish any negativity on those connections that didn’t work out for me, either. In fact, just the opposite; I’m completely grateful that they’ve instead made room for those that do belong there. I firmly believe everyone we cross paths with in life serves a purpose, to assist in our personal growth in one way or another – usually in the form of a blessing or a lesson as I’ve come to realize. And I can’t thank those that paved the way for the ones I have now enough for that.