The Four Lenses Assessment (Couples Edition)

In the spirit of relationship-enriching courses to strengthen our marriage, Tim signed us up for a class that was being offered nearby called “Four Lenses for Couples” shortly after our retreat, which I especially appreciated because it was something he sought on his own for us, while this was all still so fresh on our minds. The course was close to home and was about two and a half hours long on a Friday night. There were a good number of other couples in attendance as well, though just like last time, we appeared to be the youngest ones there. I’m not sure how that may appear from the outside, but I honestly enjoy it; I take pride in the fact that we both prefer to be proactive in reinforcing positive action beforehand rather than participating in damage control after the negative has occurred.

Something we had covered on the weekend-long retreat was the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator. We answered a series of questions and were able to interpret which category we fell into based on the results; some of these included extraversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, etc. In the True Colors course, we were given the answers in both picture and written form first and had to rank which we felt most applied to us. We were asked questions afterwards that helped us finalize our scores. Just like the weekend before, our results were mostly similar; we are both primarily blue (right brain preferences), though our secondary colors differed greatly (mine was green, his was gold). According to our instructor, these can fluctuate based on situations and surroundings. I, for example, operate predominantly as a blue personality at home, with those closest to me, etc., yet as a green personality in the work place, in public settings, and things of that nature.

Blue personality types:

  • Seriously value quality time, harmony within their relationships (family, romantic, friendships, etc.), and expression of feelings.
  • Relish in affection, loyalty, and compassion.
  • Are often creative, insightful, and enthusiastic.
  • Takes into consideration the feelings of others in addition to their own when making decisions.

That’s why I found it so ironic that my secondary color was green – basically the polar opposite on the end of the spectrum from the blue personality.

Green personality types:

  • Independent, perfectionist, innovative.
  • Prefers not to show emotion, more straightforward, no “fluff”.
  • Global thinkers – big picture based, less concerned with daily details.
  • Love to do research, confirm information, hates others micromanaging them, very critical.

While this result initially threw me off, the more we delved into the reasoning and facts behind these findings, the more I understood why these did, in fact, apply to me. In a work setting, I am definitely a green personality type through and through. I am direct and to the point, don’t like people looking over my shoulder or becoming overly involved as I do things, and think of the big goal overall and focus on the steps to get there as an afterthought. However, when it comes to my family and those I love, I am overly affectionate, quality time is the most important thing to me, and I consider how my actions affect them in addition to how they affect me directly. We separated into groups based upon our primary color and found that everyone in the blue group shared many of the same joys, strengths, and values as Tim and myself.

I’m not going to give all the results away, but all in all, the course was a refresher in some of the topics we’d touched on in the retreat, but also introduced us to another facet of our personalities and deciphering information we may have overlooked previously in a different light. Over the past 6 years, we’ve become almost experts at reading and learning about each other, but it’s refreshing to see that even after all this time, there’s always more to be discovered. I firmly believe that these tools will only help strengthen our bond and understanding of each other as time goes on, too. The reason I feel that our marriage has only flourished in recent years is because of the choices we consistently make.

We CHOOSE to fiercely protect our marriage.

We CHOOSE to take advantage of the resources we have available to us.

We CHOOSE to put in the necessary work to progress forward together.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you have and sets the standards and tone for all others you encounter in life, and I love that not only have we taken this workshop together, we each did some work in the self discovery department, too. Have you taken a personality test yourself, or with your spouse/significant other? What were the results?

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