The bittersweetness of cancelling a hotel room at the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando to instead book one at the Galt House Hotel in Louisville to see Tim off to boot camp would almost be comical if it didn’t sting so much. Eventually I’ll be able to laugh at the sheer irony of the situation – of having to put our plans on the back burner to serve a greater purpose – as that will eventually become ‘the norm’. I’m sure I’ll get to that point eventually, but right now, I can’t say I’m there. Right now, I’m reminscent of a stubborn child, arms crossed tightly across my chest and pouting obnoxiously because I’m not getting my way.
In all actuality, I’m not upset. I’m not angry. A little bitter that I’m going to be away from my husband for (probably) the first year of our marriage? Sure. But that pales dramatically in comparison to all the good that will come from the sacrifices he will be making. I almost feel selfish for being as sad as I am, as I am quickly reminded that this won’t be forever. While it seems an entire lifetime away now, eventually there will come a day that we are reunited, and get to begin our lives again as a happy family under one roof instead of being separated by hundreds of miles. But for now, I have to accept that this is the reality that we are entering into – and how that reality will forever alter our lives going forward.
I’ve known since I was much younger that life always goes on in its own way, whether we are ready for it or not. While I’ve never had a clear picture of my own future (at least I haven’t in recent years), its unraveling at a steady and unapologetic state in the past 6 months or so has almost been intimidating. I spent more years of my youth than I wish I would have traveling from place to place, new home to new home, and the only consistent thing back then was change; before I ever had the opportunity to get comfortable somewhere, inevitably, the situation and circumstances were both switching up on me. 26 days ago, I got married. This morning, one of my very best friends moved across the country. In 10 days, my husband leaves for Marine Corps basic training. And at some point in the next year (if all goes according to plan), I will be moving somewhere far from home to once again be with Tim regularly.
So much change is coming our way and all at one time, that it’s definitely going to take some getting used to to say the least. But the only thing that we ever truly can count on is change. I’ve changed tremendously in the past year alone – I was a girlfriend, then a dog mom, fiancé, and now wife. Eventually as the years come and go and with the natural progression of things, I could become a student, professional writer (I can dream), a regular traveler, or a mother (of the human variety). It’s amazing to me to watch all of these things unfold right before my eyes and interestingly enough, they’ve always been exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t know it yet.
Here’s to letting go and letting life.